


And is God with us all the time?

by sadmarchhare



Category: Journal d'un curé de campagne (Diary of a Country Priest) (1951)
Genre: Angst, Bible Quotes, References to Hamlet, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22770622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmarchhare/pseuds/sadmarchhare
Summary: And is God with us all the time?Can he claim God was with him,When he stepped into Ambricourt?All of the times he asked for His help when he was there...Where was He?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	And is God with us all the time?

**Author's Note:**

> an atheist raised atheist tries to write a religious fic. yk this movie gave me clinical depression i had to get it outta me somehow

And is God with us all the time?  
Can he claim God was with him,  
When he stepped into Ambricourt?  
All of the times he asked for His help when he was there...  
Where was He?

He grabs his bible and sighs, tears roll down his face and he thinks how both forgiveness and redemption may actually never come to anyone. Who is he to forgive people, to judge their sins? Oh but he knows God's wishes he studied them, he's a priest! But if God doesn't even answer his prayers how can he forgive people so they'll enter His kingdom.

With that thought he goes to what he's supposed to call his home in this village that he can only guess either God has abandoned or they have abandoned God. He eats his usual bread soaked wine and stares at the cross in his wall. What would Jesus say to these people? He let his face fall onto his hands and he lets tears face down his face again.

"They don't hate you, they hate your simplicity." what the other priest said came back to his mind. But really? Was that really the problem? When something, if his sickness was something to go by, told him that God just wasn't holding his hand anymore. Did he not pray enough? Had he commited a mortal sin? Even then everything had forgiveness... What... what did he do...? Maybe God had really left humanity- or maybe these thoughts of doubt are the problem.

He got up and half sighed half sobbed. He can neither talk to God nor to the people of this village, who seem insistant in making him feel even worse. The priest went up to where he left his notebook and brought it to the table, might as well write a bit today before he goes to bed. He thought about writing what he had been thinking all day but doubting God's powers was a sin, isn't it? Isn't that what James 1:5-8 says?  
He settled for just writing about a passage he had explained to one of the little girls who really, at the end of the day didn't care in the slightest.

He put the pen down and looked up, and said to himself "After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God. On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about." Closed his eyes, and once again that question appeared before him "And is God with us all the time?" He's omnipotent but he can choose to not care, which sounds... worse. He opened his eyes and sat up straight he couldn't be thinking this. He was the one to blame surely. May God forgive him for thinking otherwise.

It was time for bed without him noticing. And so he got on his knees in front of the bed to thank God for another day. But thoughts of doubt still weighted heavy in his head. So much so he felt an headache forming.  
He layed down, closed his eyes but in the back of his head the thoughts kept forming. God he couldn't remember one night he has slept well since he came here.  
Wait maybe what this village needed was God and he... he could bring His word to these people. But once again, God wasn't with him since he entered this god forsaken village. Had He ever been with him in the first place? He brought his knees closer to his face... oh god, god he was abandoned to rot. And suddendly the black clothes he wore each day, his heavy sighs, the tears from his eyes, the sadness visible in his face, or any other show of grief didn't capture what he actually felt.

In between all these tears and thoughts jumbled together like a demon he fell asleep, fatigued. May God be with the poor priest and may he be in our prayers. He'll need it after all.


End file.
